Monday, September 3, 2012

Stay at home

Not only is motherhood a huge and amazing change in my life, but it isn't the only one. Generally, at the end of August I make my preparations for the upcoming school year. I buy supplies, decorate and arrange my classroom, prepare lessons and classroom expectations, among myriad other tasks. This year, though, I'm still hanging out at home with my Little Man. Beau and I decided together that being a stay-at-home-mom would be best for all three of us. And, so, as my friends and colleagues prepare to start the new school year, I am officially becoming a stay-at-home-mom.

(Image from here)

Like I said in this post, the birth of our son changed my outlook on my career. It ceased being my biggest priority. I imagine that at some point I will go back--perhaps next year, perhaps not--though when I think about it, this line from Robert Frost pops in my head:"...knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back."

It is hard to say where I'll be in a year. Perhaps I'll miss teaching high school so much that I'll be pining to go back and influence teenagers to adore British lit. Perhaps I'll be so content being at home with my Little Man that I'll try to finagle another year out of Beau. Or, perhaps I'll find other rewarding and important things to do with my time that will allow me to remain at home while earning some cash. (Face it, a girl has to have shoes. How will I ever pull off the old "These? New? Naah, I've had these for ages..." stunt if Beau can see the expenditures?)

(Image from here)

At the start of last year if you had asked me if I'd be able to give up teaching, I'd have looked at you like you'd just disembarked from the crazy train. I'd have pointed out my recently acquired National Board Certification, my Teacher of the Year plaque, the photos and notes of students from the past and told you that I belong in the classroom. And yet, here I am. Labor Day weekend has always been my last weekend of freedom. This year, it is the last weekend of freedom for my friends, and what I thought would be a sad weekend for me.

(Image from here)

At some point over the past three months (!) between late night feedings, dirty diapers, first smiles, coos and cries, I've changed dramatically. I am, first and foremost, a mom to an amazing little person. I'm going to do everything in my power to grow a human being who is kind, loving, smart, sincere and honest. Rather than taking an active role in shaping the lives of my students, I'll be shaping the life of MY child.

And so, as the first day of school approaches, I am relinquishing my role as high school English and journalism teacher and becoming a SAHM. I know I will miss it very much. I will miss the relationship I have with my students and my coworkers. I'll even miss the 4:40 a.m. alarm clock (because it, at least was predictable and consistent...).

Staying at home with my Little Man is something I'm very excited about. It is the most important (and probably most difficult) job I will ever have. Fortunately I've been trained well by working the second hardest job out there. Despite my excitement, it is with bittersweet heart that I write this post acknowledging the fact that tomorrow, for the first time in thirteen years, won't be my first day back to school as a teacher.

Have you done something that you thought you'd never, ever be doing?



  1. Wonderfully written, my dearest! It takes a lot of courage to take the plunge and give up everything you've known for years and years. But how can you fly off to California at a moment's notice if you have professional obligations? See where my priorities are? I'm sure LIttle Man already loves British Lit, but if not, you have until June to work on him!
    Love, C

  2. C-
    I like the way you think. Definitely hoping to fly off to CA sooner rather than later! The little guy got Macbeth and Hamlet while still in the womb, so I think his chances of loving Brit. lit is high. Or really low...

  3. I have more to say about this... but the one comment I can squeeze in before the girls demand oatmeal is: 4:40?!?!?

  4. p.s. that comment is from Aunt Mary! :)

  5. 4:40!! School starts at 7:25, I liked to be there no later than 6:45, it is a 35 minute commute and I like to have an unrushed morning with shower, breakfast, newspaper and at the opportunity to change my mind about my clothing choice at least once. That puts me at a 4:40 alarm (with 10 minute snooze time built in for those slow morning...)

  6. All went well the first day of school at Kellam. We missed seeing your smiling face but you are at the beginning of the most wonderful journey of your life. Love every minute of it. There will always be children to teach but you will never be able to replace this special time with your family.

    Love to you and yours

  7. Wow! We really do have a lot in common... Except, I'm still teaching (only part-time now, for much the same reasons as you). Congrats to you for being able to take this step. Glad I found your blog!

    1. E- I'm glad you found my blog too! Welcome! If it makes you feel any better, I am actually teaching one night class, so I'm not totally staying at home...


Comments make me happy! Thanks for stopping by and giving me your feedback!