Monday, July 30, 2012

Thoughts on Motherhood

Just over two months ago (two months and a day!) my entire world changed, and while I now all of a sudden feel like motherhood defines me, I don't want it to take over this blog. With that being said, I will most definitely have numerous posts on this new adventure I'm on. It is, after all, the most exciting thing in my life these days.

It is amazing to me that for twelve years I was a teacher first and foremost. It was the biggest part of my being. Then, on May 27th, my water broke and I began the final transformation from pregnant teacher to mother. It wasn't until Tuesday the 29th that Little Man joined us here in the world, but at 7:22 a.m., my identity changed completely. I did look at the clock when Little Man emerged and think to myself, "Oh, look school's about to start. I should be there. We have three weeks of school left, I have so much to do." It was actually a kind of surreal moment. As cheesy as that thought seems, it is exactly what went through my head. And then, as quickly as it flashed through my mind, my focus on being a teacher vanished. There was this tiny wiggly being in  my arms and I was ready to give up everything I spent the last twelve years building for the human being I'll spend the next eighteen plus years raising.

Images from Pinterest.

When I was pregnant people told me that I would love Little Man more than I could imagine. I just nodded and smiled. What did they know? I already loved the kicking, hiccuping, squirming baby inside of me. We had bonding time on the way to work when I would talk to him and he would move and kick in response. I'd rub my belly at night and tell him all I hoped for him. I loved him. There was no way the love I felt for the little being inside of me could be bigger or more intense.

And then I met him. I can't even describe the overpowering waive of utterly unconditional love I felt at that very moment. Nothing else in the world mattered.

First picture of my guy. Thirty-seven plus hours of labor couldn't make this moment less perfect.

And so now, two months and one day later, my love grows bigger and bigger each day. Even on horribly reflux-y days when there is more time spent crying and fussing than gazing lovingly at his mommy, Little Man is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Both Beau and I wonder what took us so long. We finally feel like we have found our purpose in this world. So it seems that all of those people were right.

Life, it seems, is made up of stages. What stage are you in? Does it define you?

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